


The Lighter Side Of The Moon

by Gunterlearnstofly



Series: The Lighter Side Of The Moon [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Subject Matter In Chapter 7, Depressed Severus Snape, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Metamorphmagus Severus Snape, POV Harry Potter, Severitus, Severitus With A Twist, Trans Severus Snape, Transgender, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6302485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gunterlearnstofly/pseuds/Gunterlearnstofly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-On hiatus for the foreseeable future-</p><p>                                                      Apologize for any inconveniences caused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Truth be told a lot of this is taken directly from the books because I couldn't think of how to make this scene any different than it was already presented. So I just weaved some things into the narrative and changed a few things here and there but I promise as soon as we get passed this part it'll be all my own words.

Lupin's face had hardened, and there was self-disgust in his voice. "All this year, I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn't do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I'd betrayed his trust while I was at school, trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job, when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using dark arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it ... if not for Professor Snape's reassurance that everything would be fine, I don't think I would have been able to hold my tongue so long on the matter and, moved on with my life, the way I have."

"Severus?" Sirius interrupted, taking his eyes off Scabbers for the first time in minutes and looking up at Lupin. His facial features changing, becoming softer and something strange flashed in his tired eyes.

"He's working here at the school, Sirius." said Lupin heavily "He's teaching here as well." He looked to Harry, Ron and Hermione. "Professor Snape, Sirius and I were classmates together, when we were your age. Well actually, we were more than just classmates ..."

"Classmates, Remus?!" Black almost shrieked, returning his gaze to the rat that struggled in Ron's hands. "Is that how you remember our relationship with Severus as just classmates? And what's this nonsense about him being a teacher, he's uncomfortable with the idea of teaching his friends, let alone a class of students."

"Well, I didn't think that going into detail about our relationship would be that relative to the matter at hand." Lupin stressed, gesturing towards Ron with a flick of his hand. "And Severus is teaching here, he teaches potions. It was Dumbledore's idea to give him a sense of stability after everything that had happened. Especially after your arrest, he needed something or someone to latch onto and with what happened to Lily and James on top of everything else, he would have gone under again if not for having his job and the support from the other members of staff."

Sirius didn't move his gaze but he seemed to be trying to swallow something particularly painful. "I haven't seen Severus in years. I wonder what he would think seeing me now? I bet he would think I look pretty pathetic."

"You took the words right out of my mouth, Black." Came a cruel sounding voice from the open doorway. Harry felt an ice cold chill run down his spine in recognition of the voice as would anyone who had ever taken potions at Hogwarts. Hermione screamed besides him as Professor Snape revealed himself from his spot in the doorway, wand outstretched towards Sirius' back, the other holding Harry's invisibility cloak. "I found this at the base of the whomping Willow," said Snape, throwing the cloak aside, careful to keep his wand pointing directly at Black, who had spun round to face him. "Very useful, Potter, I thank you ..." He was panting as though he had just ran but his face was triumphant. Harry watched as the potions master reached inside his trouser pocket and produced a rather large vial of brownish liquid that had blue smoke coming off it that he recognized as the potion that Harry had witnessed Lupin drinking before. Snape then proceeded to offer it up to Lupin. "Forgetting something Lupin or were you too busy basking in the moonlight?"

Lupin reached out in despair and desperation as he took the vial from Snape's hands and pulling free the stopper, he took it down in one long gulp, gasping in several deep breaths when he was finished. "I can't believe I forget! I could have ... Oh God, I could have ..."

"You're welcome, Lupin." Snape sneered, not removing his cold eyes from Black.

"So, this is what you look like now, is it." Sirius spoke calmly, sympathy lacing his voice as he look Snape up and down. "Because of what happened? Because of me? I'm Sorry to see you like this."

Something twitched in Snape's eyes as he growled back in return. "How I look is my business and my business alone, Black. I'm not your little doll to play with and dress up anymore."

"You never were!" Sirius admonished, holding his arms out defensively. "I never saw you that way! You know I didn't."

"How do I know that?!" Snape yelled, pointing his wand inches from Sirius' gaunt face. "How can I believe anything you've told me?! What?! Do expect me to trust you?! Trust you! Fat load of good that did me! Fat load of good that did Lily and James, too!" His face had turned red by this point and to Harry's immense surprise tears brimmed his eyes, threatening to fall as he choked out. "They trusted you! I trusted you! And, you expect me to what? Fall into your arms and pretend like everything's okay?!"

"Severus, I never betrayed you and I didn't betray James and Lily Potter, never." said Black in a calming manner. "I can prove it. Right here, right now. Please, let me show you."

Harry didn't dare to look away or blink as he watched the interaction between the prisoner and the potions master, the former who looked like he wanted nothing more than to give the great greasy haired bat of Hogwarts a hug whereas the latter looked like he was either going to burst into tears or hex Black into the century. Heck, even a part of Harry, though a very small a part, wanted to comfort the git himself. A very small part but it was there.

"Severus," Lupin began gently, hesitating as he moved closer to Snape's side. "I didn't believe it either myself but please, let Sirius prove what he's saying is the truth."

Snape turned his head towards Lupin, looking to him with one eye while keeping the other and his wand trained on Black, who held his hands out in in a wordless surrender. He watched the two for a moment longer before lowering his wand and taking a step backwards. "Do not think I wont hesitate to kill you, Black." The potion master whispered his words ice cold, his face reflected the emotionless connotations in his voice.

"I know you wont." Black nodded his understanding and turned back to Ron. "You, boy - give me Peter. Now."

"Peter?!" Snape gasped as Ron clutched Scabbers closer to his chest.

"Come off it," Ron said weakly. "Are you trying to say you broke out of Azkaban just to get your hands on Scabbers? I mean ..." he looked up at Harry and Hermione for support. "OK say Pettigrew could turn into a rat - there are millions of rats - how's he supposed to know which one he's after if he was locked up in Azkaban?"

"You know, Sirius, that's a fair question," said Lupin, turning to Black and frowning slightly. "How did you find out where he was?"

Snape stood slumped against the door frame, his wand lax in his hand, his other hand had threaded it's self into his greasy mop of hair, his eyes wide with confused confrontation. "I ... I don't ... Peter?" Black put one of his claw-like hands inside his robes and took out a crumpled piece of paper, which he smoothed flat, and held out to show the others. It was the photograph of Ron and his family that had appeared in the Daily Prophet the previous summer, and there, on Ron's shoulder, was Scabbers. Snape had seemingly managed to come to his sense and stepping forwards took the picture out of Black's hands, examining it before lowering it to stare at Scabbers who squeaked and wriggled more frantically in Ron's grip. "It ... it can't be true ... I ... Remus this can't be true!"

"How did you get this?" Lupin asked Black, thunderstruck, tapping his finger against the paper.

"Fudge," said Black. "When he came to inspect Azkaban last year, he gave me his paper. And there was Peter, on the front page ... on this boy's shoulder ... I knew him at once ... how many times had I seen him transform? And the caption said the boy would be going back to Hogwarts ... to where Harry was ..." 

"My God," said Lupin softly, staring from Scabbers to the picture in Snape's violently shaking hands and back again to Scabbers. "His front paw ..."

"What about it?" said Ron defiantly.

"He's got a toe missing," said Black.

"Of course," Lupin breathed, "so simple ...so brilliant ... He cut it off himself?"

"Just before he transformed," said Black. "When I cornered him, he yelled for the whole street to hear that I'd betrayed Lily and James. Then, before I could curse him, he blew apart the street with the wand behind his back, killed everyone within twenty feet of himself - and sped down into the sewer with the other rats ..."

"Didn't you ever hear, Ron?" said Lupin. "The biggest bit of Peter they found was -"

"his finger." Snape cut in, his voice just audible. It was so strange for Harry, seeing the dreaded potions master going through such a mix of emotions pushing himself to the edge but still somehow being able to reign himself into the emotionless mask that all his student's knew him for. Well that and the razor sharp temper. It was like being around a lite firework, knowing he could go off at any given time. Truth be told, if given the choice, he would pick the firework. At least the firework didn't intend to hurt anyone with it's actions.


	2. Chapter 2

"Look, Scabbers probably had a fight with another rat or something! He's been in my family for ages, right -"

"Twelve years, in fact," said Lupin. "Didn't you ever wonder why he was living so long?"

"We - we've been taking good care of him!" said Ron.

"Not looking too good at the moment, though is he?" said Lupin. "I'd guess he's been losing weight ever since he heard Sirius was on the loose again ..."

"He's been scared of that mad cat!" said Ron, nodding towards Crookshanks, who was still purring on the bed.  
But that wasn't right, Harry thought suddenly ... Scabbers had been looking ill before he met Crookshanks ... ever since Ron's return from Egypt ... since the time when Black had escaped ...

"This cat isn't mad," said Black hoarsely. He reached out a bony hand and stroked Crookshanks' fluffy head. "He's the most intelligent of his kind I've ever met. He recognized Peter for what he was straight away. And when he met me, he knew I was no dog. It was a while before he trusted me. Finally, I managed to communicate to him what I was after, and he's been helping me .."

"What do you mean?! breathed Hermione.

"Yes, what do you mean by that, Sirius?" said Snape, raising a singular eyebrow.

"He tried to bring Peter to me, but couldn't ... so he stole the passwords into the Gryffindor Tower for me ... As I understand it, he took them from a boy's bedside table ..."

Harry's brain seemed to be sagging under the weight of what he was hearing. It was absurd ... and yet ...

"But Peter got wind of what was going on and ran for it ... this cat - Crookshanks, did you call him? - told me Peter had left blood on the sheets ... I suppose he bit himself ... well, faking his own death had worked once ..."

These words jolted Harry to his senses. "And why did he fake his death?" he said furiously. "Because he knew you were about to kill him like you killed my parents!"

"No," said Lupin. "Harry -"

"And now you've come back to finish him off!"

"Yes, I have," said Black, with an evil look at Scabbers.

"Professor Snape, do something." Hermione pleaded, looking between Harry and Black in a panicked manner.

"Rest assured miss Granger, if we were in any harm, it would have already have been dealt with," said Snape, smoothly. "I for one am more than intent on hearing what is to be said, so if you'd be quiet and let the man speak."

Hermione opened and closed her mouth several times to protest before falling silent.

"Harry," said Lupin hurriedly, "don't you see? All this time we've thought Sirius betrayed your parents, and Peter tracked him down - but it was the other way around, don't you see? Peter betrayed your mother and father - Sirius tracked Peter down -" 

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Harry yelled. "HE WAS THEIR SECRET-KEEPER! HE SAID SO BEFORE YOU TURNED UP, HE SAID HE KILLED THEM!" He was pointing at Black, who shook his head slowly; the sunken eyes were suddenly over-bright.

"Harry ... I as good as killed them," he croaked. "I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me ... I'm to blame, I know it ... the night they died, I'd arranged to check on Peter, make sure he was still safe, but when I arrived at his hiding place, he'd gone. Yet there was no sign of a struggle. It didn't feel right. I was scared. I set out for your parents' house straight away. And when I saw their house, destroyed, and their bodies - I realized what Peter must have done. What I'd done." His voice broke. He turned away.

Snape moved towards Black and to Harry's shock, placed one of his pale hands on the man's shoulder squeezing it in a reassuring manner before he spoke, his words gentle. "If that is true then, I'm as much to blame for their death as you are. After all, I was the one who persuaded you to have a day off in the first place. I'm just as guilty." 

"Wait, Professor Snape, what are you saying?" Harry asked, everything he heard seemed to jumble up in his brain like a pair of trainers in a tumble dryer, everything was banging and clanking all over the place. He understood what was being said but at times his mind seemed to need a moment to catch up.

Snape let out long exasperated sigh. "I hadn't seen Sirius for almost two weeks, he wasn't eating or sleeping properly. He was so head strong about keeping his position as your parents' Secret-Keeper he was putting their well-being ten fold before his own and, I don't blame him for that. But he needed to rest." said the potions master morosely, avoiding looking into anyone's eyes and was now hold his upper arms. "I persuaded Sirius to let someone else be Lily and James' Secret-Keeper for a day or two. I thought ... I ... I thought ..."

"No, no," Black reacted, pointing to himself. "It's my fault! I did this! I'm an idiot! I -"

"I don't think your an idiot!" Snape barked back, his hair hiding face away from the others present and, to Harry at least it seemed strangely longer and thicker looking than it usually was but Harry put it down to his mind playing tricks on him with all the strain it was under.

"I'm ... sorry." said Black and with a careful hand, brushed Snape's hair behind his ears. In the little light there was in the Shrieking Shack, Harry made out a damp line running from Snape's eye to his chin and small wet dot on the chest of his shirt. Had Snape just cried? It was such an alien concept, Snape crying. Either that or it was a sign of the apocalypse.

"Neither one of you is to blame, here." Lupin spoke up, bring their attention back to what was happening. "There is one true way to settle this once and for all." said Lupin, and there was a steely note in his voice Harry had never heard before. "Ron give me that rat." 

"What are you going to do with him if I give him to you?" Ron asked Lupin tensely.

"Force him to show himself," said Lupin. "If he really is a rat, it won't hurt him." Ron hesitated, then at long last held out Scabbers and Lupin took him. Scabbers began to squeak without stopping, twisting and turning, his tiny black eyes bulging in his head. "Severus, if you would be so kind in assisting me? I believe you know the spell?"

"Together, then?" Snape nodded, pointing his wand at Scabbers.

"I think so," said Lupin, holding Scabbers tightly in one hand and his wand in the other. "On the count of three. One - two - THREE!"


	3. Chapter 3

A flash of blue-white light erupted from both wands; for a moment, Scabbers was frozen in mid-air, his small black form twisting madly - Ron yelled - the rat fell and hit the floor. There was another blinding flash of light and then -  
It was like watching a sped-up film of a growing tree. A head was shooting upwards from the ground; limbs were sprouting; next moment, a man was standing where Scabbers had been, cringing and wringing his hands. Crookshanks was spitting and snarling on the bed, the hair on his back standing up.  
He was a very short man, hardly taller than Harry and Hermione. His thin, colourless hair was unkempt and there was a large bald patch on top. He had the shrunken appearance of a plump man who had lost a lot of weight in a very short time. His skin looked grubby, almost like Scabbers' fur and, something of the rat lingered around his pointed nose, his very small, watery eyes. He looked around at them all, his breathing fast and shallow. Harry saw his eyes dart to the door and back again.  
"Well, hello, Peter," said Lupin pleasantly, as though rats frequently erupted into old school friends around him. "Long time, no see."

"S-Sirius ... S-Severus ... R-Remus ..." Even Pettigrew's voice was squeaky. Again, his eyes darted towards the door. "My friends ... my old friends ..."

Black's arm rose as if to strike the other man, but Lupin and Snape seized him around the wrist, Lupin giving him a warning look, then turned again to Pettigrew, his voice light and casual. "We've been having a little chat, Peter, about what happened the night Lily and James died. You might have missed the finer points while you were squeaking around down there on the bed -"

"Remus," gasped Pettigrew, and Harry could see beads of sweat breaking out over his pasty face, "you don't believe him, do you ... He tried to kill me, Remus ..."

"So we've heard," said Lupin, more coldly. "I'd like to clear up one or two little matters with you, Peter, if you'd be so -"

"He's come to try and kill me again!" Pettigrew shrieked suddenly, pointing at Black, and Harry saw that he used his middle finger, because his index was missing. "He killed Lily and James and now he's going to kill me, too ... you've got to help me, Remus ..."

Black's face looked more skull-like than ever as he stared at Pettigrew with his fathomless eyes. Snape in contrast, wrinkled his nose as he looked down it at the shorter man as though he was one of his more grotesque potion ingredients.

"No one's going to try and kill you until we've sorted a few things out," said Lupin.

"Sorted things out?" Squealed Pettigrew, looking wildly about him once more, eyes taking in the boarded windows and, again, the only door. "I knew he'd come after me! I knew he'd be back for me! I've been waiting for this for twelve years!"

"You knew Sirius was going to break out of Azkaban?" said Lupin, his brow furrowed. "When nobody has ever done it before?"

"He's got dark powers the rest of us can only dream of!" Pettigrew shouted shrilly. "How else did he get out of there? I suppose He Who Must Not Be Named taught him a few tricks!"

Black started to laugh, a horrible, mirthless laugh that filled the whole room. "Voldemort, teach me tricks?" he said. Pettigrew flinched as though Black had brandished a whip at him. "What, scared to hear your old master's name?" said Black. "I don't blame you, Peter. His lot aren't very happy with you, are they?"

"Don't know - what you mean, Sirius -" muttered Pettigrew, his breathing faster than ever. His whole face was shining with sweat now.

"You haven't been hiding from me for twelve years," said Black. "You've been hiding from Voldemort's old supporters. I heard things in Azkaban, Peter ... they all think you're dead, or you'd have to answer to them ... I've heard them screaming all sorts of things in their sleep. Sounds like they think the double-crosser double-crossed them. Voldemort went to the Potters' on your information ... and Voldemort met his downfall there. And not all Voldemort's supporters ended up in Azkaban, did they? There are still plenty out here, biding their time, pretending they've seen the error of their ways ... If they ever got wind that you were still alive, Peter -"

"Don't know ... what you're talking about ..." said Pettigrew again, more shrilly than ever. He wiped his face on his sleeve and looked up at Lupin. "You don't believe this - this madness, Remus -"

"I must admit, Peter, I have difficulty in understanding why an innocent man would want to spend twelve years as a rat," said Lupin evenly.

"Innocent, but scared!" Squealed Pettigrew. "If Voldemort's supporters were after me, it was because I put one of their best men in Azkaban - the spy, Sirius Black!"

Black's face contorted in such a way that even Snape, who had been silently watching their back and forth with great amusement, seemed uncomfortable. "How dare you," he growled, sounding suddenly like the bear-sized dog he had been. "I, a spy for Voldemort? When did I ever sneak around people who were stronger and more powerful than myself? But you, Peter - I'll never understand why I didn't see you were the spy from the start. You always liked big friends who'd look after you, didn't you? It used to be us ... me and Remus and Severus and ... Lily and James ..."

Pettigrew wiped his face again; he was almost panting for breath. "Me, a spy ... must be out of your mind ... never ... don't know how you can say such a -"

"Lily and James only made you their Secret-Keeper because I suggested it," Black hissed, so venomously that Pettigrew took a step backwards. "I thought it was the perfect plan ... a bluff ... Voldemort would be sure to come after me, would never dream they'd use a weak, talent-less thing like you ... it must have been the finest moment of your miserable life, telling Voldemort you could hand him the Potters."

Pettigrew was muttering distractedly; Harry caught words like "far-fetched" and "lunacy", but he couldn't help paying more attention to the ashen colour of Pettigrew's face, and the way his eyes continued to dart towards the windows and door.

"Professor Lupin?" said Hermione timidly. "Can - can I say something?"

"Certainly, Hermione." said Lupin courteously.

"Well - Scabbers - I mean, this - this man - he's been sleeping in Harry's dormitory for three years. If he's working for You Know Who, how come he never tried to hurt Harry before now? And, Professor Snape didn't you just say that you knew the Secret-Keeper had been change?"

"There!" said Pettigrew shrilly, pointing at Hermione with his maimed hand. "Thank you! You see, Remus? I have never hurt a hair of Harry's head! Why should I?"

"I didn't know where their hide out was or who it was Sirius had chosen as his replacement." said Snape. "I thought he would have chosen Remus, I never thought he would pick Peter. So when he left that day Lily and James' died, saying he was "just going to check on something" I didn't give it a second thought. And when what happened happened I thought like everyone else. That Sirius had killed them I didn't think it was important to mention about the change in Secret-Keeper because at the time it didn't matter, Lily, James and Peter were dead and Sirius had been arrested. But now I'm starting to understand what really happened, I wish I had spoken up before." 

"I'll tell you why he didn't do anything," said Black. "Because you never did anything for anyone unless you could see what was in it for you. Voldemort's been in hiding for twelve years, they say he's half-dead. You weren't about to commit murder right under Albus Dumbledore's nose, for a wreck of a wizard who'd lost all his power, were you? You'd want to be quite sure he was the biggest bully in the playground before you went back to him, wouldn't you? Why else did you find a wizard family to take you in? Keeping an ear out for news, weren't you, Peter? Just in case your old protector regained strength, and it was safe to rejoin him ..." Pettigrew opened his mouth and closed it several times. He seemed to have lost the ability to talk.

"What's wrong, Peter? Cat got your tongue?" Snape quipped with a poisonously malicious grin.


	4. Chapter 4

"Er - Mr Black - Sirius?" said Hermione timidly. Black jumped at being addressed like this and stared at Hermione as though being spoken to politely was something he'd long forgotten. "If you don't mind me asking, how - how did you get out of Azkaban, if you didn't use Dark Magic?"

"Thank you!" gasped Pettigrew, nodding frantically at her. "Exactly! Precisely what I -"

But Lupin silenced him with a look. Black was frowning slightly at Hermione, but not as though he was annoyed with her. He seemed to be pondering his answer.

"I don't know how I did it," he said slowly. "I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the Dementors couldn't suck it out of me ... but it kept me sane knowing who I am ... helped me keep my powers ... so when it all became ... too much ... I could transform in my cell ... become a dog. Dementors can't see, I remembered Severus telling me about them when we were studying together in our forth year, I believe ..." He swallowed. "They feel their way towards people by sensing their emotions ... they could tell that my feelings were less - less human, less complex when I was a dog ... but they thought, of course, that I was losing my mind like everyone else in there, so it didn't trouble them. But I was weak, very weak, and I had no hope of driving them away from me without a wand ... But then I saw Peter in that picture ... I realized he was at Hogwarts with Harry ... perfectly positioned to act, if one hint reached his ears that the Dark Side was gathering strength again ..." Pettigrew was shaking his head, mouthing noiselessly, but staring all the while at Black as though hypnotized. "... ready to strike the moment he could be sure of allies ... to deliver the last Potter to them. If he gave them Harry, who'd dare say he'd betrayed Lord Voldemort? He'd be welcomed back with honors ... So you see, I had to do something. I was the only one who knew Peter was still alive ..."

Harry remembered what Mr Weasley had told Mrs Weasley. "The guards say he's been talking in his sleep ... always the same words ... "He's at Hogwarts"."

"It was as if someone had lit a fire in my head, and the Dementors couldn't destroy it ... it wasn't a happy feeling ... it was an obsession ... but it gave me strength, it cleared my mind. So, one night when they opened my door to bring food, I slipped past them as a dog ... it's so much harder for them to sense animal emotions that they were confused ... I was thin, very thin ... thin enough to slip through the bars ... I swam as a dog back to mainland ... I journeyed north and slipped into the Hogwarts grounds as a dog ... I've been living in the Forest ever since ... except when I come to watch Quidditch, of course ... you fly as well as your father did, Harry ..."

He looked at Harry, who did not look away. "Believe me," croaked Black. "Believe me. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them." And at long last, Harry believed him. Throat too tight to speak, he nodded.

"No!" Pettigrew had fallen to his knees as though Harry's nod had been his own death sentence. He shuffled forward on his knees, grovelling, his hands clasped in front of him as though praying. "Sirius - it's me ... it's Peter ... your friend ... you wouldn't ..." Black kicked out and Pettigrew recoiled.

"There's enough filth on my robes without you touching them," said Black.

"Remus!" Pettigrew squeaked, turning to Lupin instead, writhing imploringly in front of him. "You don't believe this ... Wouldn't Sirius have told you or Severus that they'd changed the plan?"

"Not if he thought that Severus or myself was the spy, Peter," said Lupin. "I assume that's why you didn't tell us, Sirius?" he said casually over Pettigrew's head.

"Forgive me, Remus, Severus," said Black.

"Apology accepted." said Snape, who didn't remove his eyes from Pettigrew, who seemed to be shrinking with each word.

"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," said Lupin, who was now rolling up his sleeves. "And will you, in turn, forgive us for believing you were the spy?"

"Of course," said Black, and the ghost of a grin flitted across his gaunt face. He, too, began rolling up his sleeves. "Shall we kill him, all three of us, together?"

"Yes, I think so," said Lupin grimly.

"You wouldn't ... you won't ..." gasped Pettigrew and taking his chance he ran to the opened doorway, only to be beaten to it by Professor Snape, who slammed it shut with a deafening BANG! One hand holding the door closed while he pointed his wand directly between Pettigrew's eyes, sending the other man scrambling backwards in fear. He got back down onto his knees, kneeling before Snape, his eyes wide and looking for mercy.

"Severus ... Severus, please ... smart, brilliant, reasonable Severus ... you wouldn't let them do that to me, would you?" Pettigrew begged. "Think of Lily ... your best friend ... she wouldn't want this ... she would spare me ... she would -"

"Don't. You. DARE!" Screamed Snape, his voice thunderous, his face was livid as he snarled at Pettigrew, in a way Harry had never seen before. "Don't you dare talk about Lily Potter to me! She showed you nothing but kindness and compassion! And you sold her and James out! You deserve everything you get tonight for what you did! And if that means Sirius, Remus and I dealing justice ourselves, then so be it!"

Pettigrew then made his way over to the bed, to kneel at Ron's side. "Ron .. haven't I been a good friend ... a good pet? You won't let them kill me, Ron, will you ... you're on my side, aren't you?"

But Ron was staring at Pettigrew with utmost revulsion. "I let you sleep in my bed!" he said.

"Kind boy ... kind master ..." Pettigrew crawled towards Ron, "you won't let them do it ... I was your rat ... I was a good pet ..."

"If you made a better rat than human, it's not much to boast about, Peter," said Black harshly. Ron, going still paler with pain, wrenched his broken leg out of Pettigrew's reach. Pettigrew turned on his knees, staggered forwards and seized the hem of Hermione's robes.

"Sweet girl ... clever girl ... you - you won't let them ... help me ..."

Hermione pulled her robes out of Pettigrew's clutching hands and backed away against the wall, looking horrified. Pettigrew knelt, trembling uncontrollably, and turned his head slowly towards Harry. "Harry ... Harry ... you look just like your father ... just like him ..."

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO HARRY?" roared Black. "HOW DARE YOU FACE HIM? HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT JAMES IN FRONT OF HIM?"

"Harry," whispered Pettigrew, shuffling towards him, hands outstretched, "Harry, James wouldn't have wanted me killed ... James would have understood, Harry ... he would have shown me mercy ..." Both Black and Lupin strode forwards, seized Pettigrew's shoulders and threw him backwards onto the floor. He sat there, twitching with terror, staring up at them. And, Harry was suddenly made aware of Professor Snape's presence at his left shoulder and he could practically feel the fury radiating off of him.

"You sold Lily and James to Voldemort," said Black, who was shaking too. "Do you deny it?"

Pettigrew burst into tears. It was horrible to watch: he looked like an oversize, balding baby, cowering on the floor. "Sirius, Sirius, what could I have done? The Dark Lord ... you have no idea ... he has weapons you can't imagine ... I was scared, Sirius, I was never brave like you and Remus and James and Severus and Lily. I never meant it to happen ... He Who Must Not Be Named forced me -"

"DON'T LIE!" bellowed Black. "YOU'D BEEN PASSING INFORMATION TO HIM FOR A YEAR BEFORE LILY AND JAMES DIED! YOU WERE HIS SPY!"

"He - he was taking over everywhere!" gasped Pettigrew. "Wh-what was there to be gained by refusing him?"

"What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed?" said Black, with a terrible fury in his face. "Only innocent lives, Peter."

"You don't understand!" whined Pettigrew. "He would have killed me, Sirius!"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!" roared Black. "DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"

Snape, Black and Lupin now stood shoulder to shoulder, looming over Pettigrew, Snape and Lupin raised their wands.

"You should have realised," said Lupin quietly. "If Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Goodbye, Peter."


	5. Chapter 5

Hermione covered her face with her hands and turned to the wall.

"NO!" Harry yelled. He ran forwards, placing himself in front of Pettigrew, facing the wands. "You can't kill him," he said breathlessly. "You can't."

Black and Lupin both looked staggered while Snape's face betrayed no emotions whatsoever, nor did he lower his wand.

"Harry, this piece of vermin is the reason you have no parents," Black snarled. "This cringing bit of filth would have seen you die, too, without turning a hair. You heard him. His own stinking skin meant more to him than your whole family."

"I know," Harry panted. "We'll take him up to the castle. We'll hand him over to the Dementors. He can go to Azkaban ... just don't kill him."

"Harry!" gasped Pettigrew, and he flung his arms around Harry's knees. "You - thank you - it's more than I deserve - thank you -"

"Get off me," Harry spat, throwing Pettigrew's hands off him in disgust. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it because I don't reckon my dad would've wanted his best friends to become killers - just for you."

No one moved or made a sound except Pettigrew, whose breath was coming in wheezes as he clutched his chest. Black and Lupin were looking at each other. Then, with one movement, Lupin lowered his wand.

"You're the only person who has the right to decide, Harry," said Black. "But think ... think what he did ..."

"He can go to Azkaban," Harry repeated. "If anyone deserves that place, he does ..."

Pettigrew was still wheezing behind him.

"Very well," said Snape. "Stand aside, Potter."

Harry hesitated.

"I only intend to restrain him, Potter." said Snape. "So he doesn't get any ideas about trying to escape. That is all."

Harry stepped out of the way.

BANG! Thin, snake-like cords burst from the end of Snape's wand and twisted themselves around Pettigrew's mouth, wrists and ankles; he over-balanced and with a muffled shriek he fell to the floor, unable to move.

"But if you transform, Peter," growled Black, his claw like hand pointing at Pettigrew, "we will kill you. You agree, Harry?" Harry looked down at the pitiful figure on the floor, and nodded so that Pettigrew could see him.

"I believe it would also be in your best interest to know that I just happen to be running out of rat spleen's in my ingredients cabinet," said Snape a cruel smile pulling at his thin lips, his face appeared almost fox like, now. And Harry knew there was something strange going on with the potions master. "So I suggest you co-operate."

"I missed your dark sense of humor." said Black.

"Who said I was joking?" said Snape. "I really am running low on rat spleen's."

"Hold on, a minute." Ron spoke up from his position on the bed. "If Professor Snape was friends with Harry's parents - then how come every time he mentioned Harry's dad, he was saying stuff about how he was a horrible person, all the time?"

"Severus?" said Black, looking over to Snape who refused to meet his eyes.

"I believe Severus has been trying to distance himself from Harry." said Lupin as he moved towards Ron and began inspecting his leg.

"Severus?" said Black more desperate sounding.

"What did you expect me to do?" asked Snape, looking every bit a broken man. "You can't understand what I have to go through - neither of you could ever understand what it's like. What it feels like to see him everyday and be reminded of who he is. I thought that ... if I could get him to ... to hate me enough ... he wouldn't want to be near me and it would be easier for me to move on. Be better if he never knew."

"You never told him?!" shouted Black his eyes wild but he didn't appear angry but upset. 

"Never told me what?" said Harry, who had been silently watching their back and forth.

"Please, I can't do this," said Snape who was pinching the bridge of his noticeably shorter nose. "Not here, not now. I can't do it now."

Black moved to Snape's side and grasping his chin forcing him to look into his eyes. "We'll deal with Peter first, get this all dealt with." Black whispered calmly to the potions master, "But you need to tell him, Severus. You'll just hate yourself if you don't."

"You think I don't hate myself already?" said Snape so matter of factually and so emotionless that it could have been taken as a factual snippet of information from a textbook. "Let's just get this over with." he continued, moving out of Black's grip - who looked on, crestfallen.

"Right," said Lupin, suddenly business-like, "Ron, I can't mend bones nearly as well as Madam Pomfrey, so I think it's best if we just strap your leg up until we can get you to the hospital wing. Severus, you don't happen to have any pain relieving potions do you? Or something that we could use to numb the area?"

"Not on me, no." said Snape.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait for pain relief for a little bit longer, Ron." Lupin sighed, tapping Ron's leg with his wand and muttered, "Ferula." Bandages spun up Ron's leg, strapping it tightly to a splint. Lupin helped him to his feet; Ron put his weight gingerly on the leg and didn't wince.

"That's better," he said. "Thanks."

"Remus, since it's almost "that time", I think you should give your wand to Sirius and stay here," suggested Snape. "We don't want anyone else getting wind of your "fury little problem", do we?"

"Of course," said Lupin handing his wand to Black who took it without hesitation. "And, someone'll need to help Ron back to the hospital wing."

"Here Moony," said Black moving to Lupin's side. "I'll take him back, if that's alright with him?"

"It's fine by me." said Ron, though he did look like his nerve could give way any minute.

Remembering his invisibility cloak that Snape had abandoned by the door, Harry picked it up and tucked it safely into his pocket.

"And two of us should be chained to this," said Black, nudging Pettigrew with his toe. "Just to make sure."

"I'll do it." said Ron savagely, limping forwards.

"Then I guess, I'll do it as well." said Black and with Lupin's wand he conjured heavy manacles from thin air; soon Pettigrew was upright again, left arm chained to Black's right, right arm to Ron's left. Ron's face was set. He seemed to have taken Scabbers' true identity as a personal insult. Crookshanks leapt lightly off the bed and led the way out of the room, his bottle-brush tail held jauntily high.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a long, tiring, very tiring and all around confusing day for Harry. He, Ron and Hermione had gone out to see Hagrid, found the presumed dead Scabbers, discovered that the murderer Sirius Black was right under their noses the whole time; discovered that Professor Lupin was a werewolf, Professor Snape was apparently an old school friend of his parents' and Scabbers was actually a man that everyone thought was dead and, also the real murderer. It didn't help Harry's fatigue that he and Hermione were now both sprinting back to the hospital wing, to make it back before anyone noticed they were gone.

After some, at the time, confusing words with Professor Dumbledore, Hermione had pulled out a small necklace with an egg timer at it's center. She had turned it three times and had sent them both back in time to earlier that day, when they had first gone to Hagrid's so they could help save his "pet" hippogriff Buckbeak before the executioner could get his hands on him. But after they had saved the hippogriff they had to wait for hours, knelt watching and waiting until after their past selves, Black, Snape, Pettigrew and Ron made their way to the castle - waiting just a little bit longer to make sure that they wouldn't accidentally run into themselves and left for the hospital wing.

They made it just as Dumbledore was closing the doors behind him. "Professor, we did it." said Harry and Hermione together, both bent other - gasping for breath.

"Did what?" asked Dumbledore, "Goodnight." and with that he left the two gryffindors outside the hospital wing sharing a confused look. Once they had regained themselves they pushed open the doors, just as their past selves were leaving.

"How did you do that?" said Ron from his hospital bed, his eyes wide with confused wonder. "You were there a second ago ... now you're over there??"

"I have no idea what he's talking about," said Harry. "Do you, Hermione?"

"None whatsoever." said Hermione.

"What are you two doing out of bed?" questioned Madam Pomfrey as she stepped out of her office. "Back to bed the pair of you." She then proceeded to usher them back to their beds and insisted upon them laying down, insisting they had "been through a lot" which was perfectly true but that didn't mean that Harry would be able to sleep, despite being tired to his very core, his eyes and brain were both still wide awake. He wanted to know what was going on with Sirius and Pettigrew, if Sirius was going to have his wish of being a free man.

There was some loud noises outside the hospital wing doors which were flung open as Cornelius Fudge, Sirius Black, Professor Dumbledore and Snape entered together. "I just hope we can put this ... rather unfortunate business behind us." said Fudge. "You can expect a full pardon as soon as I return to my office."

"I should bloody well hope so." said Sirius.

"I know the name of a good lawyer, if you want to sue, Sirius?" said Snape with a grin.

"Sue? W-why? I'm sure there's no need for that." said Fudge as he nervously tugged at his shirt's collar.

"Well, it's just a suggestion," said Snape. "After all, he has served twelves years, falsely imprisoned without a trial. Twelve years of his life he'll never get back. Not to mention the ramification to his physical and possible, mental health because of it. I would think that Sirius, here - would be due some compensation, don't you Sirius?" 

"Sounds like a perfectly reasonable assumption to me, Severus." said Sirius with wicked smile of his own. "I'll have to think about it first though."

"I-I'm sure we could come to some kind of arrangement." said Fudge, beads of sweat dotting his forehead as he turned to Professor Dumbledore. "We shall be escorting mister Pettigrew off the premises now, now that we have a clear understanding about what really happened, I can assure you that he shan't bother you or your students anymore. And, you should also be glad to know that we'll be recalling the Dementors from the school, since they are no longer of use."

"I shall be glad to the back of them, thank you Cornelius," said Dumbledore, cheerfully obviously pleased to be rid of the Dementors as anyone else at the school would be. But he could have also meant Pettigrew or both.

"Well then," said Fudge and clearing his throat, he motioned to the open doors. "I think I'll take my leave then." Tipping his bowler hat as he bowed. "Gentlemen." And left, closing the door behind him.

"It is nice to see you back with us again, Sirius, my lad." said Dumbledore.

"Thank you, headmaster." said Sirius great respect laced his voice.

"And, I must say Severus," said Dumbledore addressing the potions master. "I haven't seen you like this for many years, it's very nice to see you in a more comfortable place in your life."

Snape looked at the headmaster dumbfounded. "T-thank you, sir."

"I'll leave you both, now," said the headmaster. "as I believe you both have some personal matters to share with young Harry, over there." And with that Dumbledore exited the hospital wing.

Snape looked over to Harry and their eyes met for split second before they flicked over to the hospital wing door before returning to look at Harry. Finding the door seemingly more favorable, Snape made to move towards it but was stopped by Sirius placing a firm hand on his shoulder. Snape spun round to glare at the other man, who didn't seem perturbed in anyway as he spoke, "You can do this - and I'll be right there with you." The potions master's eyes looked to Harry once more and looked towards Sirius, who gave him a reassuring nod. So with a deep breath, Snape approached Madam Pomfrey.

"Poppy, may I accommodate your office, I shouldn't be too long?" requested Snape. "I need to disclose some ... rather personal and confidential information to mister Potter."

"Of course, Severus." said Madam Pomfrey, her eyes briefly looking to Sirius, who stood nearby. "Take as long as you need, in there."

"Thank you." said Snape who with hesitation made his way over to Harry's bedside. "Mister Potter, if you'd care to come with me." he said. "We ... need to talk."


	7. Chapter 7

Harry climbed out of bed and followed Professor Snape, feeling Sirius' arm weave around his back and grasp his upper arm, firmly. Sirius' presence gave him a sense of reassurance but Harry couldn't fault the foreboding feeling in the pit of his stomach as they stepped into Madam Pomfrey's office. Snape closed the door behind them and walking round the desk, sat down in the chair, gesturing with his hand for Harry to take a seat. Sirius found a pitcher of water and filled two glasses for himself and the head of Slytherin house. "Do you want a glass, Harry?" asked Sirius.

"No," said Harry. "I think I'll be fine thanks, Sirius." He watched as Sirius took a seat next to Snape, facing Harry with a warm smile. "D-did I do something wrong, Professor?"

"Breaking curfew and being in a restricted area with your friends, is a very serious thing, indeed," said Snape. "but that is not why I asked you to join me. The reason I asked you here is to talk to you about a rather confidential matter that affects both of us. For it is I, who have wronged you, P-Harry."

Harry leaned back in his chair, in confusion and shock. The Professor Snape had just called Harry by his first name. Not "Potter" or "Mr Potter" but "Harry". It was so strange.

"I must ask that the information that I impart to you be kept between: yourself, Sirius, Professor Lupin, Professor Dumbledore and I." said Snape. "I don't want to overhear you talking to your little friends: Mr Weasley and Miss Granger about what I tell you, is that clear?"

"Yes, Professor Snape." agreed Harry.

Snape then proceeded to pull out a wallet from his trouser pocket, opening it up, he removed a photo that had been creased down the middle, showing only half the full picture. Unfolding it and with the briefest hesitation, Snape pushed the photo across the table to Harry, who picked it up to better look at it. "I'm sure you don't need to be told who the girl with red hair and green eyes is."

Looking down at the photo, Harry was met with his own emerald eyes in the face of a young red haired girl, who was smiling and giggling at the other girl in the picture. It was a young Lily Potter. It was the first photo Harry had ever seen of her as a child. All the photos Harry had of her and his father were of when they were adults. So it was nice to see her at a similar age to himself, like she was more real to him, almost. Harry then caught sight of the girl she was posing with. The other girl was terribly thin in her figure with strangely familiar black coloured eyes. She looked almost self conscious as she fidgeted twirling her finger around her black ... blue ... purple ... green ... hair? Laying the photo back down on the table, he pointed to the girl, in amazement. "How is she doing that with her hair?"

"She's a metamorphmagus." infused Snape. "She can change her physical appearance to suit her own needs: reflect how she's feeling, use it as a disguise or just change her appearance, whenever she feels like it."

"It's very rare," said Sirius. "The only other person I know of who has it is my cousin, Nymphadora Tonks. It something your born into, not something you can learn to become."

Harry looked back down at the photo of his mother and other girl, in wonder. "It's a nice photo, Professor Snape but why are you showing me this and, who's the other girl?"

"It's imperative that I go over some things that you may not know before I tell you what I want to tell you," said Snape. "as it may be hard for you comprehend what I have to say." Snape took a moment to take a sip of his glass of water, his hand visibly shaking before he continued. "You have to understand that I wasn't biologically born a man, Harry."

The words sunk and picking the photo back up, his eyes' met the black eyes of the young girl in the photo and looking up, met their twins in the potions master's face. "She's you? You're her? I mean ..." The photo had suddenly taken on a whole different meaning to Harry as he watched the girl and her technicoloured hair.

"I was her, yes." Snape nodded, his face fell as if realizing something and he took another shaking sip of water. "There is something else I need to tell you, something more personal to you, to both of us."

Harry removed his eyes from the photograph, giving his full attention to Professor Snape, who he noticed had a nervous twitch about him as if he had been glued to the chair and wanted to leave, desperately.

"As much as wizard magic and potions can cure most things that muggle doctors could only wish for ... there are somethings that both muggles and wizards struggle to cure or don't have a cure at all. And one of those things is cancer." said Sirius somberly, taking Snape's hand in his as he continued. "I-it was three weeks after Lily and James had returned from their honeymoon - Lily wasn't feeling right. She had been feeling out of sorts for while. We thought at the time that - maybe she'd contracted something while abroad. Some sort of virus or illness of some kind. She was in a lot of pain that came and went which made it hard for her to get out of bed at times."

"She was a wonderful person but she could be so stubborn, we tried to get her to have a healer look at her but she would have it," said Snape. "She thought it would just clear up after a while - like it was nothing but a common cold."

"But it got worse - to the point that she was in pain constantly - we finally convinced her to have a healer look her over," said Sirius, Snape's grip on his hand tightened. "They discovered that the pain was caused by an aggressive form of ovarian cancer. Th-the only way to stop it from infecting Lily completely was to ..."

"To what?" asked Harry.

"To have her ovaries and womb removed, completely, making her sterile." said Snape. "Meaning she would never have a child of her own. She agreed to procedure - it was successful but Lily was devastated. She blamed herself for not seeking help sooner." The emotionless mask seemed to slip slightly as the potions masters eyes began watering up. "I blamed myself for not putting my foot down and taking her myself ... One of the few dreams she had had while we were children that persisted through her life was to one day have a child and it had been snatched away from her. It destroyed me seeing her so heartbroken ... I ..." Snape's other hand went to pick up his glass of water, only for him to put it back down as his hand's erratic shaking threatened to spill the glass' content. Sniffing in air through his nose, he sighed it out through his mouth. "I hadn't yet followed through with my chose to transition into a man, I had wanted to make sure I was making the right choice before I committed. I remembered that before Lily's procedure they had managed to save some of Lily's eggs but they didn't know whether of not they would take to a host body. They had only been able to save a small amount, the rest had already been affected by the cancer. Though I knew the chances were very slim that anything would come from it or if they would ever work with my body - I put the idea forwards to Lily. I thought that if I could do this for her ... I would help her have her dream ... It would be her and James' child but growing inside of me. So with James' co-operation - we followed through with the plan ... and you were a success."


	8. Chapter 8

Harry slumped back in his seat, gripping the chair arms to stop himself from falling to the floor. Sirius reached over with a careful finger and, pushed his glasses back up his nose, grasping Harry's shoulder gently. "I'll get you that water now, shall I?" he offered, getting up from chair.

"Um, y-yeah," Harry managed, his throat had suddenly become dry. "Thanks." He looked to Professor Snape, who sat bent over the desk - his fingers weaved together, looking off into space, avoiding Harry's eyes. Harry didn't really know what he could say. If, what the potions master said was true ... then that meant that the potions master ... Snape was his birth mother? father? person? He was still Lily and James Potters' son from a biological standpoint and a maternal and paternal standpoint but ... what did that mean for Professor Snape? Would Snape ... did Snape ... have any lingering feelings about what happened? 

The only references to such things that Harry knew of was when he would sometimes catch a snippet here and there, whenever aunt Petunia would watch her daytime talk shows. Where women would talk about their own personal experiences with being pregnant and giving birth. That there was this deep seated connection throughout, between the mother and the unborn child. He wondered if Snape had felt something like that or whether it was very cut and dry, business-like for him. The way he had acted, the raw emotion in his face, there had to be something there ... there must be ... right? And, what did that mean for Harry? Like a lot of students at Hogwarts, Harry wasn't exactly keen on the potions master at the best of times. Sometimes he made Harry so irritated, he just wanted to scream the roof down. He was just so easily loathsome at any opportunity he had. But if it was true ... then why would ... Did he hate Harry, like he had always suspected? Had something happen? He still had so many questions. Why hadn't he told Harry this before? He obviously didn't want to tell him now, by how uncomfortable he had been around him. He was only grateful that Sirius was with them, despite spending a large chunk of his adult life behind bars, he seemed the most level headed out of the three of them.

Harry was brought out of his thoughts by Sirius placing a glass in front of him. Picking up the glass, Harry treated his throat to the cool, soothing water and with a satisfied sigh, he placed it back on the desk. "Is-is that what you meant?" said Harry. "Back in the Shrieking Shack? When you said that neither Sirius or Professor Lupin could understand what you went through?" Snape did not verbally answer Harry's question but instead he nodded. "Why didn't you tell me this before? Why didn't you want anything to do with me? Why didn't you-"

"BECAUSE YOU WERE THEIRS!" Shouted Snape, slamming his fist into the desk, making Harry and Sirius jump and jostling the glasses, slightly. Slowly, the potions master uncurled his hand and placing his hands together; he brought them up to his face, almost pray-like. "I-I'm sorry ... I shouldn't ..." Snape then proceeded to hide his face behind his hands. "I can't ... I can't do this ... I can't do this, Sirius."

"But you're doing so well, Severus." said Sirius, rubbing Snape's back. "Just take a deep breath and-" Before Sirius could finish what he had to say, Snape pushed up from his seat - his fringe had grown, hiding his eyes from them.

"I. Can't. Do .This. Now." Professor Snape ground out and walking around the desk, he left the room; closing the door loudly behind him.

Sirius sighed, heavily. 

"Was ... was that my fault?" Harry asked, unsure of what had just happened.

"No, no, Harry." said Sirius, sitting on the desk in front of him, placing his hands on Harry's shoulders. "I was hoping for too much with him. I'm the one who should be apologizing, I pushed a bit too far, it seems."

"Was he always like that, back when you were in school?" said Harry.

"Well, he has always been rather ... sensitive about certain subjects." said Sirius. "The conversation probably touched a nerve of his. But there'll be other opportunities for him to say what he needs to say to you, at a later date. I had just hoped he'd be able to tell you a bit more than that. Let you in a bit."

"Can't you tell me instead, Sirius?" asked Harry.

"I only know pieces of what happened and nothing that happened after I was arrested." sighed Sirius. "Besides, it's not my story to tell you, it's his." 

They were both silent for a minute or two before Sirius shook Harry gently by his shoulders with a grin. "But hey, let's put that on the back burner for now. And think about something else, instead."

"Like what?" said Harry.

"Like how you're thinking about decorating your room when you come to stay with me." said Sirius.

"My room?" said Harry.

"You're coming to stay with me this summer, aren't you?" said Sirius, enthusiastically.

"Oh, yeah." said Harry with a smile. They talked for a long while about Harry's room, about the kinds of things Harry was into that was until they were both ushered out of the room by Madam Pomfrey.

"Now, Mr Black. Visiting time is over." said Madam Pomfrey, sternly. "Mr Potter needs his rest."

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Harry." said Sirius. "I should see if Severus is okay."

"Okay, Sirius." said Harry, waving him off. "See you tomorrow." And, climbing back into bed, he watched as Sirius left the hospital wing.

"So, what did Snape want to tell you, Harry?" asked Ron.

Thinking back to the discussion from before with Professor Snape, Harry laid down pulling his blanket up around his shoulders. "I can't tell you, they made me promise not to tell." Harry knew when he said it that there would be some sort of protestation at his words and waited, ready for them.

"What?" said Ron. "How come?"

"Harry you know you can trust us with anything, don't you?" said Hermione.

"I know that," Harry replied, pulling the blanket around him tighter. "I just can't tell you about this, it's personal."

"But-"

"Ron, if Harry doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't have to." said Hermione. "You can tells us when you're ready to, Harry."

"Fine." sighed Ron.

And with that final resignation, the subject was dropped, though Harry knew it would probably crop up later down the line. It was comforting to him to know he didn't have to deal with it there and then. But that didn't mean that the subject didn't follow him into his dreams as his brain did it's best to deal with the tidal wave of information that had been crammed into it. It had been a very, very strange day.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning after Harry, Ron and Hermione had been discharged from the hospital wing, they decided to give Hagrid a visit. Eager to see if anything "interesting" had happened to him, recently. So making their way to the outskirts of the school's grounds, they found Hagrid sat outside by his hut in the sunshine, Fang lying in the nice cool grass at his side. "Morning, Hagrid" they chorused.

"G'morning to the lot of yeh." Greeted Hagrid with a big grin.

"How are you, Hagrid?" asked Hermione, kneeling down in the grass.

"I'm grand." said Hagrid, giving Fang a gentle pat on the head. "Actually, something pretty mazin happened."

"What's that Hagrid?" asked Ron who was now sitting next to Hermione.

"It's Buckbeak!" said Hagrid. "Good ole Becky! Escaped, din he! Bin celebratin' all night."

"Escaped?" said Harry, doing his best to hid his grin as he thought back to the day before. "How did he escape?"

"I dunno ow," said Hagrid. "Well, you lot saw - I had im chained up over there by the pumpkin patch. But good ole Buckbeak sum ow escaped while me, Professor Dumbledore, Fudge and that Macnair person were inside my hut. All I know is - when we left, he'd gone. And well they couldn't execute suming that wasn't there, could they?"

"That's wonderful news, Hagrid." said Hermione, clasping her hands together.

"Well, between Buckbeak's escape and the news bout Sirius Black, it bin one heck of a day. I can tell yer that for nowt." said Hagrid.

"What news about Sirius Black?" asked Ron. "Did they catch him?"

"You'll never believe it," said Hagrid. "Turns out that Black didn't kill those people after all. The real murderer was this man named Peter Pettigrew all along. Apparently, he's bin pretending to be dead for twelve years. Bin in hiding all this time. They took im away to Azkaban last night. So I eard from Professor Sprout this morning."

"Really?" said Ron. "I wonder where he'd been hiding?"

"That's the frightnin' part, apparently he'd bin hiding on the school grounds, this whole time." said Hagrid. "If I'd bin the one to find im, I would've give im a piece o my mind."

Then a thought came to Harry and he stood. "Hagrid, do you know whether Professor Lupin is in, today?"

"I believe he is," said Hagrid. "He should be in his office, if I'm right. Why?"

"I just want to see him about something, that's all." said Harry.

"Do you want us to come, too?" said Hermione.

"No, I wanna speak to him about something, alone." said Harry. "I don't know how long I'll be."

"That's okay," said Hermione. "We'll see you in the Great Hall later, right Harry?"

"Yeah, of course. See you, later." said Harry and waving back at them, he left.

"What's that all about?" He heard Ron whisper as he walked away.

"Probably thinking about what happened yesterday." said Hermione.

"Shouldn't we go after him then, if that's the case?" said Ron.

"No, let's give him his privacy." reasoned Hermione. "He won't thank us for it, if we try to get him to talk about it, he'll just get annoyed."

"Suppose you're right." said Ron. "As usual."

When Harry reached Professor Lupin's office, the door was already opened but Harry thought it would only be polite to announce himself first rather than just burst in. So he knocked on the door.

"Come in, Harry." Came Professor Lupin's voice from the other side of the door. Pushing the door open further, Harry stepped into the office. "I saw you arrive on the map." Lupin announced, indicating to the map that was laid open on his desk with his wand. "Mischief Managed." He spoke tapping his wand against the parchment which folded itself up neatly and became nothing more than plain looking parchment.

Shutting the door behind him, he approached the desk. "Professor Lupin, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Harry." said Lupin. "What can I help you with?"

"It-it's about," said Harry. "me and Professor Snape ... that he's my -"

"Birth parent?" asked Lupin, receiving a nod from Harry, he sighed before continuing. "I'm guessing Professor Snape told you, then."

"He told me he used to be a girl and that he gave birth to me but ..." said Harry.

"But?" prompted Lupin.

"But he left before he told me anything else." said Harry. "He told me that you knew about it-"

"So you came to me looking for answers?" said Lupin, taking his seat behind the desk. "You don't mind if I sit down, do you? I'm still rather tired after last night." 

"No, that's okay." said Harry.

"I can't tell you much of what happened and I only have my own theories about certain things," said Lupin, weaving his fingers together. "What is it that you want to know Harry? And, I'll see if I can help." 

Harry remembered something that Lupin had mentioned briefly while they had been in the Shrieking Shack and tried his best to phrase his question. "You said, in the Shrieking Shack that Professor Snape was trying to distance himself from me, why doesn't he want to be near me?" asked Harry. "Didn't he want me, even a little?" His arms shook as he clenched his teeth, trying his best to hold back the tears that were forming behind his glasses. It was true he didn't like Professor Snape, he could go as far as to say he hated him, on most days. But the idea that Harry hadn't been wanted was a difficult pill to swallow. Yes, Snape had said that he had done it for his parents but that didn't mean that Snape wanted him, he was just following through on a favor.

Professor Lupin rose from his chair and crouched in front of him, so that they were on eye level; grasping Harry's upper arm, he began. "I can't speak for how Professor Snape feels now but I can tell this. I was one of the few there, the night you were born. And I can tell you with complete certainty that Severus loved you from the moment you were laid in his arms." Lupin pushed his thumb up under Harry's glasses, brushing away the tear that had formed there. "In fact, I don't think he ever wanted to let you go."

"Then why did he?" said Harry.

"Because he made a promise," said Lupin. "a promise to your parents: Lily and James that he would give you to them. And, Severus Snape keeps his promises to his friends, no matter how painful it is to keep. I'm guessing that's why he tried to distance himself from you. He probably thought it would be easier for him to move on with his life rather than face how he really feels."

"But why would he do that?" asked Harry, desperately. "Why wouldn't he tell me?"

"Sometimes, lying to ourselves is more comforting than facing the truth." said Lupin then, reaching into his robe pocket, he pulled out a bar of chocolate and handed it to Harry. "Here, I think you need this more than I do." Unwrapping the chocolate bar, Harry took a good few bites from it. "There, now. After all, we don't want you upset on the last day of term."

"You ... you're not just saying that to spare my feelings, are you?" said Harry.

"Harry, I swear to you right here, right now that that is the absolute truth." said Lupin, taking Harry's hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. They were both silent as Harry absorbed what he had been told, taking a few more bites of chocolate. "Now, come on. We've got an end of year feast to attend."

Harry nodded to his words, heading out the door, stopping when he noticed that Professor Lupin wasn't following. "Aren't you coming, Professor?"

"I'll be there in a minute, Harry." said Lupin with a reassuring smile. "I just need to put somethings away first but I'll be there, I promise." Nodding to his words, Harry left the room, closing the door behind him.

Stepping out onto the third floor, Harry walked downstairs toward the Great Hall on the ground floor, just hoping that no one would notice that his eyes were probably puffy from him almost crying earlier. He stepped down onto the first floor landing when who should come out of the first floor corridor but Snape, himself. Harry noticed very quickly that Snape wasn't wearing his traditionally sweeping robes and instead was wearing a smart looking suit, his hair tied back out of his face in a short ponytail which Harry had to admit to himself, he looked nice. Though he would never admit it to Snape in person. He would rather swallow a jarful of cockroaches than admit that. "Ah, Mr Potter." said Snape. "Mr Black informs me that you'll be staying with us in the summer months?"

"Sirius said I could." said Harry. "I didn't know you would also be staying, Professor?"

"We lived together before his arrest." said Snape. "It only made sense that we would move in together, now." And with that the potions master made to leave.

"I-I'm sorry," said Harry. "about what happened that is, if I could ... please I want to know, if you ... still ... Can't you give me a sign that ... that I matter to you. If I do matter to you at all. Anything? Please?"

Snape stopped and it didn't seem like he was going to say anything then: "Y-you ... really do have your mother's eyes. Emerald, green." There was a pause before he added. "It's my favorite colour, emerald, green." And with that Professor Snape left Harry standing dumbfounded on the first floor landing.


	10. Chapter 10

"There you are, mate." said Ron from his seat at the Gryffindor table. "Saved you a spot."

"Thanks, Ron." said Harry, sitting down between Ron and Seamus, who nudged him gently in the ribs.

"Harry, you seen Professor Snape?" asked Seamus, nodding towards the staff table where said Professor sat talking with Professor Mcgonagall and Dumbledore.

"Wonder what they slipped into his pumpkin juice, to get him to look like that?" said Dean with a grin. "Something strong, I suspect."

"Reckon whatever it is, would have changed his mood, at all?" said Ron.

"Doubt it." said Neville, managing a smile of his own.

"Hey, does his nose look smaller to you guys?" asked Lavender. "Or is it just me?"

"Now that you mention it-" said Dean.

"It's definitely smaller." said Ron, using his fork to gesture towards Snape. "What do you think, Harry?"

"Yeah, I guess." said Harry, it was something he himself would usually be pointing out, along with his classmates but knowing that Snape could just change his features on a whim, took away from the mystery the other no doubt felt. "I wonder how he did that?"

"A spell?" Seamus put forwards. "They had spells that reduce the size of you teeth maybe, there're spells that can make your nose smaller, too?"

"Or a potion?" suggested Neville meekly.

"I dunno," said Dean. "If there was a potion or a spell for that, why would Snape just now choose to use it?"

"Maybe he's a metamorphmagus?" said Hermione and Harry felt his heart beat jump slightly, trust Hermione to be the one to figure out the correct answer. Receiving confused looks from the others around the table, Hermione sighed. "Metamorphmagi are wizards or witches that can change their physical appearance: colour of their hair, shape of their facial features, like lips, cheek bones, eyes, noses. And they can do it just by focusing on what they want to change and in the blink of an eye they look different."

"And, you think Snape could be one of those?" asked Ron, skeptically.

"It's just as valid a suggestion as everyone else's." defended Hermione. "But yes to answer your question, his nose is smaller."

"Told you, so." said Lavender.

Harry looked around the Great Hall as Professor Lupin entered, waving over at the Gryffindor table on his way to his seat next to Snape. Lupin seemed be congratulating Snape about something that Harry couldn't make out but then their conversation appeared to shift to something else and by the way their body language seemed to briefly becoming more guarded. And then Harry's eyes met theirs and he quickly looked away, concentrating instead on his plate of food, while in the background the others around him, continued their discussion about "Snape's new appearance".

It wasn't until later when the Hogwarts Express pulled into Hogsmead Station that Harry began to wonder where Sirius was, wasn't Harry supposed to be staying with him over the summer? That's what Snape had said as well. So where was he?

"He'll probably be waiting for you on platform nine and three quarters." said Ron as they found a compartment together.

"Or maybe he's been at Gringotts sorting things out with the goblins," suggest Hermione as she took her seat, Crookshanks purred in her lap. "After all, he has been in jail for twelve year, Harry. They are probably holding the key to his house for him and he'll want everything sorted out before you move in with him."

"I guess that makes sense." said Harry, sitting by the window just as the train lurched into movement.

"Besides, wouldn't he have said something if he didn't want you to get on the train?" said Hermione with a reassuring smile as she stroked Crookshanks. Then seeming to remember something, she added. "Oh, I almost forgot. I went to see Professor Mcgonagall before breakfast, I decided to drop Muggle Studies."

"But you past the exam with three hundred and twenty percent!" said Ron.

"I know," sighed Hermione. "but I cant stand the idea of another year like this one. That Time-Turner was more trouble than it was worth. I handed it in this morning and, without Divination and Muggle Studies I could have a normal timetable again."

"I still don't believe you didn't tells us about it," said Ron grumpily. "You're supposed to be our friend."

"I promised not to tell anyone about it," said Hermione. "That includes you and Harry."

Harry sat in quiet contemplation as he watched Hogwarts disappear into the distance. He wondered if Sirius would be waiting for him. Or if he was going to have to stay with the Dursley's again this year. And if Sirius did pick him up, what would it be like living with him? And Snape? What would that be like?

"Hey, cheer up." said Hermione. "There's no point in worrying about things that haven't happened yet."

"Yeah," enthused Ron. "Hey, if things don't work out and you end up at the Dursley's, you should come and stay with us. I can sort it out with Mum and Dad, then I'll call you. I know how to use a fellytone now-"

"A telephone, Ron," said Hermione. "Honestly, you should take Muggle Studies next year ..."

Ron ignored her.

"And, even if it does work out, I can't see Sirius saying "no"." said Ron. "It's the Quidditch World Cup this summer! How about it, Harry? Come and stay, and we'll go and see it! Dad can usually get tickets from work."

This Proposal had the effect of cheering Harry up a great deal. "Yeah ... I bet the Dursleys'd be pleased to let me come ... especially after what I did to Aunt Marge ..." Feeling considerably more cheerful, Harry joined Ron and Hermione in several games of Exploding Snap, and when the witch with the tea trolley arrived, he bought himself a very large lunch, though nothing with chocolate in it. But it was late in the afternoon before the thing that made him truly happy turned up ...

"Harry," said Hermione suddenly, peering over his shoulder. "What's that thing outside your window?" Harry turned to look outside. Something very small and grey was bobbing in and out of sight beyond the glass. He stood up for a better look and saw that it was a tiny owl, carrying a letter which was much too big for it. The owl was so small, in fact, that it kept tumbling over in the air, buffeted this way and that in the train's slipstream. Harry quickly pulled down the window, stretched out his arm and caught it. It felt like a very fluffy Snitch. He brought it carefully inside. The owl dropped it's letter onto Harry's seat and began zooming around their compartment, apparently very pleased with itself for accomplishing it's task. Hedwig clicked her beak with a sort of dignified disapproval. Crookshanks sat up in his seat, following the owl with his great yellow eyes. Ron, noticing this, snatched the owl safely out of harm's way.

Harry picked up the letter. It was addressed to him. He ripped it open the letter and shouted, "it's from Sirius!"

"What?" said Ron and Hermione excitedly. "Read it aloud!"

Dear Harry,

I was hoping to catch you this morning but arranging things with the goblins  
is taking it's time but I should be done in time to meet you off the train, later.  
It'll give Severus time to pack, anyway.-"

"Wait, Severus?" asked Ron, wrinkling his nose. "Snape's going to be staying with you as well?"

"Snape said that he and Sirius lived together before Sirius' arrest." said Harry with a shrug. "He said, it only made sense that they'd move back in together."

"Why?" said Ron.

Hermione giggled, "Oh, Ron. You don't think that Professor Snape and Sirius were just friends, do you?"

After a brief moment, the sudden realization hit Ron like a tone of bricks. "Okay, I did not need that mental image, thank you very much."

Smothering her laughter, Hermione turned back to Harry, "what else does he say?"

"It says:

I'll be wearing a Glamour when you see me but Severus should be with  
me so don't worry about not noticing me. the Glamour is just until I  
look more like a human being and less like an "animated corpse"  
as Severus told me, last night. I'm almost done with business here,  
can't wait to see you again,  
Sirius.

P.S Tell your friend Ron that he can keep the owl that came with the  
letter, since it's my fault he doesn't have a rat, anymore."

"Keep him?" Ron said uncertainly. He looked closely at the owl for a moment, then, to Harry and Hermione's great surprise, he held him out for Crookshanks to sniff. "What d'you reckon?" Ron asked the cat. "Definitely an owl?" 

Crookshanks purred.

"That's good enough for me," said Ron happily. "He's mine."

Harry read and re-read the letter several times on the way to Kings Cross Station, though he still held out a bit of hesitation about being around Snape, he was happy and for there and then, everything seemed to be falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued in Part Two: coming soon?


End file.
